So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Less talking, more tequila
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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