Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
