Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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