You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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