this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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