i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What a dumb baby whore.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
