You're my little dorito
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
