My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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