Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
