I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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