i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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