Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
