Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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