there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
