Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
