we have pet lesbian snakes
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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