My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
