Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
