He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
