Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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