i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
