Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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