Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
