Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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