i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
