He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
