EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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