I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
