god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Can I color on your dick again?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
