I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
