Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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