i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
