It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
