I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
