need another drink. this is the easiest way
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
