you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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