I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
