I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
