shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize