Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
