Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
