i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
