we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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