Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
