Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
