I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
