All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
