Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She announced her abortion via fbk
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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