Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
