Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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