i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
