doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
