i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
