As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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