Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
