About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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