I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
