i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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