You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
