I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
