my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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