i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
