He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
