My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
