I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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