we have pet lesbian snakes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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